This giveaway is a very special one, meant to bring a sense of peace & comfort to those who have suffered the loss of a child. My Forever Child is offering a $40 gift certificate to one of my readers, so that a personalized piece of jewelry can be purchased in remembrance of your child. It's open to anyone over 18 WORLDWIDE & will end at midnight on Feb 10, 2012.
Sue is offering a SPECIAL GIFT for my readers! Get a FREE "Always In My Heart" Pin with a $25 purchase from My Forever Child. This is an $8 value. Use the code HEARTNBUTTERFLY at checkout to receive the free gift. It will be valid through Feb 10, 2012.
Warning: Some might find this gruesome or uncomfortable to read. This review is bittersweet for me, & has been very difficult to write. I should warn you that I'm including my miscarriage story at the bottom of the review. My story will be long & about a very painful time in my life, so if this subject is too touchy or personal for you, you might want to scroll past it to the giveaway. I can't explain to you why my experience with My Forever Child is so important & soothing to me without going into details that might be unpleasant for some to read.
What Led Me To My Forever Child:
Sometime in the days that followed my miscarriage I started searching online for remembrance jewelry - not even sure that such a thing existed. My ex husband gave me a Mother's ring when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter & I wanted something similar for this baby. Even though I never got to hold it in my arms or kiss it's cheek, I did hold it inside of me for almost 12 weeks. Those 12 weeks were precious to me & I wanted something tangible that I could lay my hands on & caress in place of my lost baby.
I came across a few websites, but the one that really touched my heart was My Forever Child. I decided to make my purchase there because the jewelry was beautiful, I liked the fact that I could customize my piece of jewelry so it held special meaning for me, & because Susan Mosquera had a very painful & personal reason for making loss keepsakes. She understood the importance because her third child, Matthew Kristopher, was stillborn two weeks before his due date in 2002, nearly killing Sue as well. It was this painful loss that led her to begin making loss keepsakes. I emailed Sue a couple of times before placing an order & she was wonderfully kind. She even pointed me in the direction of some grief support for miscarriage online. I felt that My Forever Child had special jewelry with extra special meaning because it was made with love & compassion by a Mom who understood first hand what it's like to lose a baby.
My Forever Child believes that jewelry should tell a story and be meaningful for the wearer. Susan handcrafts your jewelry upon order and customizes it to your specifications. She has a large selection of keepsake items: for miscarriage, pregnancy loss, & infant loss. She also has remembrance jewelry & other keepsakes for men!
Sue also offers pregnancy jewelry and fertility jewelry, so when you're ready to try again you can wear a piece of jewelry to help you stay positive.
I also love the fact that Susan donates a portion of every sale to charitable organizations committed to child advocacy and the prevention of future losses. My Forever Child strives to promote awareness, research, education, and activism. Her original lapel pins are donated to hospitals and memory box programs for newly bereaved parents.
About My Forever Child:
Sue's current jewelry line started in 2004 & her website launched in 2005. Most of the pieces are handcrafted by Susan Mosquera, GIA Graduate Gemologist and jewelry artisan since 1999. She's a Mother of 4 young children and 1 stillborn baby boy. Her journey of grief, healing, and hope was the inspiration for My Forever Child. Susan’s passion is to be able to help other’s through their life’s journeys with jewelry pieces meaningful for them.
Product Lines:
~Custom engraved handprint jewelry and footprint jewelry from your child’s actual prints. This is a special and unique way to celebrate your child’s life, and to carry with you a treasured keepsake made from their creation!
~Personalized Remembrance and Memorial Jewelry to honor your lost loved ones and keep their memories close to your heart.
~Memorial Jewelry for Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Pregnancy and Infant Loss to honor the tiny souls that touch and change your life, but gone too soon.
~Pregnancy and Fertility Jewelry with genuine gemstones and symbolic charms.
~Hand Stamped and professionally engraved unique Mother’s Jewelry, Family Jewelry, and Men’s pieces to honor ALL your children, both on earth and in Heaven.
Here is a picture of her specialty handprint & footprint jewelry.
Visit this product line here.
Here is a direct quote from the website:
About the Child Loss Keepsakes:
The My Forever Child™ Collection was born out of a desire to create unique keepsakes for those touched by the loss of a child. No matter what age the child died at, it is very important for the grieving parent to have their child remembered and acknowledged. Even though the child is not with them physically, the parental feelings of love do not disappear. Parenthood is not measured by the length of time spent raising a child. The child is always in the parent's heart, hence the phrase "My Forever Child™".
My Forever Child creates personalized jewelry from the heart, rich with symbolism and meaning. Specializing in tangible reminders to honor and acknowledge our loved ones, while celebrating their life and the love they have bestowed to us. We believe that jewelry should tell a story and be meaningful for the wearer. Our personalized keepsakes are handcrafted upon order in our studio and customized to your specifications. Treasured memories will always be in your heart forever.
Susan wrote a beautiful poem after her loss, & this poem is available for purchase with every piece of personalized keepsake jewelry you order.
You are a Precious Child
Created out of love,
a blessing from above.
I've adored you from the start,
and your little footprints
touched my heart.
A single teardrop represents the
millions I have cried
My life never the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed
longer with me,
I'd watch you grow into
all you could be.
Although we are apart,
You are Always in My Heart.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child™
~© Susan Mosquera~
a blessing from above.
I've adored you from the start,
and your little footprints
touched my heart.
A single teardrop represents the
millions I have cried
My life never the same since you died.
I wish you could have stayed
longer with me,
I'd watch you grow into
all you could be.
Although we are apart,
You are Always in My Heart.
I dream of a joyful time when
we will be reunited once again.
Thoughts of you make me smile.
You will always be My Forever Child™
~© Susan Mosquera~
My Experience with My Forever Child:
As mentioned earlier, I emailed Susan a couple of times before making my purchase. Her help & support meant a great deal to me. I'm sure she doesn't remember it, but I will never forget her kindness & sensitivity.
I very carefully selected my necklace. I chose a silver heart with a separate silver butterfly to lay on top of the heart. The back of the heart was engraved with a personal message. I wanted it on the back so that I could wear this meaningful necklace without having to answer a lot of personal questions. This way I could remember my angel when I wanted to, but to the rest of the world it appeared to be just a beautiful piece of jewelry. I chose 3 stones commemorating the month of conception, the due date month, & the month of loss.
My necklace arrived quickly & was packaged in a little black velvet bag. I also purchased a silver polishing cloth from My Forever Child & Sue's poem on a business sized card. I was pleased to see that the chain was a nice sturdy box chain! I couldn't wait to put the necklace on! Once I put it on I never took it off! I wore it constantly, even through the pregnancy that followed my miscarriage. It gave me such a sense of comfort in the early days. It made me feel closer to the baby I lost - almost like I was still carrying the baby with me wherever I went. I would find myself reaching up to touch the necklace whenever I was sad & missing the baby. Just touching the necklace made me feel like I was filling the empty hole in my heart, something tangible to symbolize my lost baby in a very personal way.
I received so many compliments on the necklace! Everyone said that it was beautiful & not a single person knew that it was remembrance jewelry unless I told them so.
The front of my remembrance necklace.
The back of my remembrance necklace.
My experience with My Forever Child doesn't end there. I was extremely pessimistic about the possibility that I would ever conceive again. Much to my surprise & delight, about 2 months after my miscarriage I conceived my baby girl! On June 5, 2010 I had another positive pregnancy test! I was still charting, so I know that my girl was conceived around May 24, 2010.The due date was Valentine's Day 2011.
I was extremely happy, shocked, thankful, & scared. I was consumed by the fear that I might lose this baby too. The fear of loss led me to purchase a pregnancy charm bracelet from My Forever Child. I'm a large woman & Susan was even able to put an extension on the bracelet!
A quote taken from the website:
Our Fertility Jewelry and Pregnancy Jewelry is created from natural genuine gemstones with special metaphysical properties and sterling silver charms with symbolic meaning which have been traditionally used to enhance fertility, conception and healthy pregnancies in cultures around the world. The genuine gemstones we use have mineral properties and energies which are thought to decrease negativity, stress and fear; while promoting positive energy, relaxation, tranquility, confidence, love, luck, hope, reproductive health, emotional and hormonal balance. Our Fertility and Pregnancy Bracelets, Pendants, Necklaces, and Charms are soothing to the touch and aesthetically pleasing to the eye. All of our Fertility and Pregnancy jewellery is created with .925 Sterling Silver, and is Lead-Free. A jewelry pouch and card explaining the gemstones and symbolism is included with each purchase, perfect for sending as a gift of encouragement!
Once again, I chose charms that appealed to me. I chose a rose quartz heart because it's thought to reduce the risk of miscarriage, be soothing, heal broken hearts, & enhance relationships. I chose the turtle charm because turtles are fertility symbols & they're known for patience, endurance, vitality, tenacity, and longevity. Momma turtles protect their eggs by burying them until they hatch. The baby bunny charm was chosen because not only do rabbits symbolize fertility, but the rabbit is the luckiest sign in the Chinese Zodiac!
Here is my pregnancy bracelet.
Still wearing my remembrance necklace at the hospital after my daughter's birth.
The necklace continues to give me comfort & makes me feel close to the baby I lost. It doesn't make me sad to wear it - it brings a sense of peace. I would highly recommend keepsake jewelry to any Mom who has suffered a loss!
My Very Long Miscarriage Story
My husband & I were married when I was 38. He didn't have any children of his own & I had a daughter from a previous marriage. We both wanted a child desperately, but felt that the odds were stacked against us. Without going into our personal lives too much, we had very good reason to believe that we would never have a baby together.
My husband & I had been trying to conceive for over 5 years, & due to our history we'd reluctantly come to terms with the fact that we'd never have a baby, & so for a long time we weren't trying, but we weren't preventing either. We decided to genuinely start trying again before our time was up, since we were both in our early 40's. I had a positive pregnancy test on January 15, 2010! My husband was in total shock & refused to believe that I was pregnant - even when I did a digital test 2 days later that clearly spelled out "pregnant". He came with me to my first OB appointment a few days later to have it confirmed. He was genuinely stunned! We were both so happy that we wanted to shout it from the rooftops! It never occurred to either of us that there could be a problem with the pregnancy. We'd waited for a baby for so long that we believed that our prayers had finally been answered. We proudly & happily told everyone that we knew that I was pregnant.
On January 23 (a Saturday; why do bad things always happen over the weekend?), I started spotting. The Dr ordered blood work & we discovered that my progesterone was a little low, so he started me on oral prometrium. We did an early ultrasound which showed a nicely formed amniotic sac, but there was no fetal pole or heartbeat yet. The ultrasound tech told me not to panic because it was still a little early to expect to see that. There were many more ultrasounds to follow & each time I was told that while there was development, the baby was developing slower than they'd like.
During this time I spent a lot of time online doing research & getting support from some wonderful ladies at misdiagnosedmiscarriage, the miscarriage message boards at Fertility Friend, & the miscarriage boards on Daily Strength.
Finally the Dr told me to pray hard for a heartbeat during the time waiting for my next ultrasound. It was heart breaking to me - incredibly stressful. I wanted to be positive, but I just couldn't. I instinctively knew that something was very wrong. My husband was in complete denial. He said that he couldn't believe that God would be that cruel to us. He genuinely believed that everything would be fine at the ultrasound. It wasn't...everything was deteriorating at that point. The tech couldn't tell me at what point the baby died - only that it had never been developing at a normal rate & finally just stopped developing at all.
I was given the choice between having a D&C or miscarrying naturally. The Dr said that it wouldn't be pleasant, but I should be fine with it since I was still in the 1st trimester. I decided to miscarry naturally. He wasn't a wealth of information as far as what to expect, but I had the ladies online at misdiagnosedmiscarriage to rely on for brutal honesty. My Dr simply said to call his nurse once the bleeding started & she'd tell me what to expect & the warning signs to look out for. I asked about pain relief on 2 separate occasions, & I was told that it shouldn't be necessary, that I should be able to handle it. He said that it could take anywhere from 2-4 weeks to miscarry. He suggested that I come back in to see him in a week & that he'd even do another ultrasound at that point if it would make me feel better. I said that I didn't see the point in that & asked if I could see him in 2 weeks if I didn't start bleeding by then. He agreed. I remember going home, curling up in bed with my husband, crying, & telling him that I didn't know how to let go.
2 weeks passed & I had some light spotting, but no actual bleeding. I went in to see him & he was pressing for a D&C because he was worried about my emotional well being. He said he'd only give me another week. I told him I wasn't the kind of person to go into things blindly & would like to know what to expect with the miscarriage rather than waiting until it started to find out from the nurse. I was also concerned that the miscarriage might begin over the weekend when I wouldn't be able to reach his nurse! He told me that it would be like a very bad period, with a lot of heavy bleeding, some clots, some tissue, & some cramping.
I cried a lot during those 2+ weeks waiting! I was beyond depressed - couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, & more than anything I couldn't understand why this was happening. It was so unfair & such a horrible place to be! Mentally I knew the pregnancy was over, but my body didn't seem to understand that & was playing tricks on me - making me feel as though I were still very much pregnant. My 2 best friends had suffered miscarriages also, & they both gave me support & advice during that time. They gave me a better idea of what to expect both physically & emotionally. The support & love that I received from them was much appreciated & there's no possible way that I could ever repay them.
During this time I became a hermit, pulling away from all family & friends - except for my husband & my 13 year old daughter, & the 2 friends who understood the hell that I was going through. Nobody else seemed to understand & always seemed to say the wrong things to me. They meant to be supportive, but the things that came out of their mouths were at times insensitive, selfish, invasive, cold, & cruel.
Some examples of things said to me:
But it wasn't a real baby. (Really? Tell my body & my heart that! This was our long awaited & much wanted baby & it was very real to me.)
Why are you this upset? You weren't that far along after all. You were barely pregnant! (With every day that passed, every symptom that grew stronger, every twinge of nausea, round ligament pain, cravings, seeing my growing belly, breast tenderness, etc, I grew more & more attached to the baby.)
It's just hormonal - you'll get over it. (No; actually I haven't. I still miss & love it. I still wish it was here & it's been a year & 10 months since my loss. I still wonder what that baby would've been like. I also wonder if it knew that I loved it with all of my heart.)
It's just a small tadpole - not even human yet! (I can't believe that anyone would be so ignorant & cruel to say something so completely insensitive to a grieving Mom, but it happened!)
It's for the best because something must've been wrong with it. (That's probably true, but that statement doesn't take my pain away. There's no room for logic when your heart is breaking.)
You can always have another. (Really? It took us 5 years to successfully conceive, so pardon me for being skeptical. Besides, you can't replace the one you lost.)
Maybe it wasn't in God's plans. (This was such a touchy one for me. On the one hand I prayed constantly, but on the other I wondered why God was doing this to us? I was angry & questioned my faith, so this statement rubbed me raw. I was angry & confused, & needed to go through the ugly side of grief & experience what I was feeling to get to the healing side of the grief. Sometimes in my darkest depths I felt that God was cruel. I don't feel that way anymore, but when you're hurting it's hard to think past your pain.)
Why are you putting yourself through a natural miscarriage? Don't you just want to get it over with so you can move on with your life? (Invasive! It's a very personal choice that only a woman can make for herself. Besides, as much as I was hurting emotionally, I knew I'd have to deal with my grief regardless of how the pregnancy ended. For me personally, a natural miscarriage was best for me - end of debate.)
Aren't you scared of the pain? (Well yes, actually I was. But what a way to calm an upset woman down! Jeez; Talk about insensitive!)
Not acknowledging the loss- (This was perhaps the cruelest/coldest way that anyone reacted to my miscarriage. I didn't expect lengthy speeches, but a simple & heart felt "I'm very sorry" goes a long way. Ignoring my pain felt like you were ignoring my baby's short existence, & it DID exist - even though you couldn't see it or touch it. It was very real.)
Criticizing the way I grieved - (Everybody is different in their reactions to grief & what they need in the aftermath. I was told that I needed to stay busy, so I wouldn't have time to think about "it". I was also told that I shouldn't isolate myself, & should force myself to socialize & get out. Saying those things to me only succeeded in making me pull even further away.)
Kindness in the midst of hell
One of my best friends said that she wanted to offer some advice that might seem morbid, but she wanted me to be prepared for how I might react during the miscarriage. She said that I should prepare for the fact that I might not feel emotionally able to flush the baby down the toilet, & gave me some tips, & a "just in case" shopping list. I thanked her & followed her advice. That was the most depressing shopping trip I've ever made, but I will be ETERNALLY grateful to her for having the courage to broach that delicate subject with me! I won't post the details here because some might find it gruesome, but if anyone wants to know please don't hesitate to ask.
Ready for the beginning of the end
I was angry that my body didn't seem to understand that it was over. Why was I still feeling very pregnant? I was still nauseated, my belly was growing, my boobs felt like they were going to explode, & there was no outward sign that anything was wrong inside. The anger & endless crying for weeks led to me finally accepting the fact that it was over & our baby was gone. I was ready for the pregnancy to end, but still wanted it to end naturally & in the comfort of my own home. I didn't see the sense in continuing to carry a dead baby inside of me.
I prayed a lot, & as strange as it sounds I talked to the baby. I told him (I believed that it was a boy) that it was ok to leave me now. I also gave some holistic labor inducing methods a shot. I figured that if they helped pregnant women progress to labor in healthy pregnancies that they might work for unhealthy pregnancies awaiting a miscarriage as well - I gave acupressure points a shot, I walked a lot, & did other things that I know you've all heard about, as well as something you might not be familiar with. I tried massaging my abdomen & lower back with Clary sage oil mixed with a little lavender to help me stay calm through this extremely upsetting time. A few drops of Clary sage in bath water has been known to bring on labor safely & effectively, so the day my miscarriage began I decided to give it a shot as well. It worked...
My 13 year old daughter went to spend the night at a friend's house across the street earlier in the day. I'm so thankful for that! She missed seeing me in pain, scared, & so upset. Unfortunately, that meant that I was all alone in the house for a few hours & that was a little scary. Looking back on it, I wish that I would've demanded that my husband leave work to be with me, but he was here for the worst of it & was wonderfully supportive as I was going through it.
The miscarriage
Late in the afternoon on March 11, 2010, at 11 weeks & 5 days gestation I started to lightly bleed. It wasn't bad at first, but by early evening it was horrible - far worse than my Dr led me to believe! I was so glad that my friends had been honest with me about what to expect (both in real life & online). I would've been terrified if they hadn't been so honest with me. It was an incredibly painful ordeal that seemed like it was never going to stop & it was far worse that just "a heavy period, with lots of bleeding, clots, tissue, & some cramping". Fortunately, one of my best friends offered me a few leftover Percocets from a dental procedure, & I needed them! I was passing clots the size of my fist & at 4 am on Friday March 12, 2010 it ended with the passing of a softball sized "piece of tissue".
I was so thankful for my friend's warning that I might not feel emotionally able to flush the toilet, & for her special supply list. Something inside of me broke that night & I just couldn't flush. It was my baby, & even if it was gone I still loved it. I placed it in a plastic container with a lid with the intention of burying it in the back yard later.
My husband was wonderful during the ordeal. He helped me to & from the bed to the bathroom a few times, brought me clean panties as needed, kept me hydrated, & held me.
The emotional aftermath
Men & women grieve differently after miscarriage. I think that women take it harder because we carry the baby inside of us, so to us the baby is more real than to the Dad. To him pregnancy is like a dream like state, where he is just an observer. It's not real until there's an actual baby to hold in his arms. Many women interpret that to mean that he didn't love the baby. He is grieving in his own way, but he's also probably trying to remain calm & "strong" so that you can crumble in his arms.
I'd read & been warned that it's common for a Mom to have a severe emotional crash within 24 hrs or so after a miscarriage & to lash out at those closest to you - especially your husband. I knew to expect this, but I had no idea just how intense it would be!
Saturday the hormonal crash of no longer being pregnant hit me! It was a slow & steady build up. I don't remember everything about that night, but I believe that I had an emotional breakdown. I'd been warned that I'd likely lash out at my husband. I did everything that I was warned that I would do & more. All sorts of horrible things flew out of my mouth like venom. I accused him of not caring about me or the baby, of not really wanting the baby, & many other things I don't remember. I even grabbed my keys & tried to leave the house. I don't know where I was going, but I wanted to escape. He held me & refused to let me go. I ended up struggling with him, trying to break free, & begging him to let me go. Somewhere in the middle of all of this I started crying again, & then I became aware of the fact that he was resting his head on top of mine & crying too. I felt his tears wetting my hair. I was still struggling to get free when the pain hit me & I doubled over. We went to bed & he held me. It was a horrible night, but in a way it was good that I exploded like that. I got it all of my system instead of burying it deep & trying to "be strong".
My husband & daughter were wonderful. I tried not to lean on my daughter, but she kept coming to me wanting to "snuggle" & telling me how much she loved me. My husband let me say whatever was on my mind without judging me, & the oddest things flew out of my mouth. It brought us closer together. It was a terribly painful time in both of our lives, but we went through it together, & we're much stronger as a couple for it!
I wanted to be held & hated to be alone during that time. Yet the only people I wanted near me were my husband & daughter. At night when he'd hold me I often felt like the only thing holding me together was his arms.
Remembering my Angel
That Sunday we went to Home Depot to pick out a rose bush. My husband dug a deep hole in the back yard & gently placed the plastic box in it, my daughter dropped wild flowers on top of the box, & the rose bush was planted on top of it. A small baby angel statue was placed next to the rose bush. Some might think this a very strange thing to do, but for me it gave me a sense of peace knowing that I could visit my baby whenever I wanted to.
My baby's rose & special garden.
If you are reading this because you are going through this I want you to know that my heart goes out to you. As you're hurting & feeling alone in your pain, please know that you have an angel baby looking out for you from above. You aren't alone! Please don't feel like you have to be brave, like you have to carry on as though nothing happened, & above all else don't bottle your feelings up. There are some wonderful support groups online & if you'd like you can always shoot me an email. Sometimes it helps to talk to others who understand & have been there. I'm sending cyber hugs & prayers your way! Also, My Forever Child's jewelry really does help!
Though this has been incredibly difficult to type out (I'm actually crying at the moment), if it can help somebody, I feel like I've done a good deed. May anyone who has suffered the loss of a child find peace & blessings.
